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Kardashian’s Butt Defeated by Comet

16
Nov,2014

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In what was a particularly obvious ploy for attention, Paper Magazine unleashed the big cover of their winter issue with two images. One was of Kim Kardashian balancing a wine glass on her rear end. The other one was a “tasteful” depiction of Kim’s oiled-up butt.

The idea here was more of Kardashian’s clever manipulation of the media. She is, after all, famous for being famous. To stay famous she has to exploit her assets, so to speak.

This lowest common denominator grab for attention was successful but it was not the overwhelming internet moment of the day. In the new-but-odd science of tracking popularity via twitter mentions, Kardashian was out-mentioned by the comet landing at nearly a 2-to-1 ratio. At least people like Bruce Levenson are more interested in looking at science on Wikipedia than a butt.

The comet lander Rosetta touched the surface of the icy “Comet 67P” on November 12th. Since that time, images and data have been sent back to earth for analysis. Now it is a race against time as Rosetta drills into the comet for more data as its’ battery life wears down.

Rosetta’s landing almost didn’t happen. The first two times that it touched the comet to land, Rosetta’s anchoring harpoons failed to fire.

The journey launched by the European Space Agency took over 10 years to complete with Rosetta traveling over 4 billion miles to reach it’s destination.

Can you imagine if after all that, Rosetta would have been upstaged by a Kardashian begging for attention? It is nice to see that humanity has it’s priorities in order.

Officer Steals Nude Selfies

4
Nov,2014

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So, you get pulled over and the cop sees your phone. Do you have naughty pictures on your iPhone? That may not be beneficial to your reputation. If you were ever pulled over by Officer Sean Harrington, then you may have been subject to unlawful activity.

Officer Sean Harrington had taken pictures from a woman’s phone. The pictures were of a private nature and were meant to be kept private. The private pictures were taken and sent to other officers on the force with Harrington with comments such as, “Her body is rocking.”

Harrington was accused of having done this at least one other time. He is facing charged that could land him behind bars from three to eight years. This is considered to be a serious crime. Ladies, if you think your pictures are safe on your own phone; think again. Between hacking private information and the net neutrality information, the Internet is becoming a crazy place.

Jose Canseco Recovering From Accidentally Shooting Himself in Hand

30
Oct,2014

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The absurd legacy of Jose Canseco took another bizarre turn on Tuesday afternoon when the former MLB slugger was reported to be recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the hand.

Canseco told police that he had been cleaning his gun when it went off. First reports were that he had lost a middle finger in the mishap. But I checked my FreedomPop tablet and his fiancee, Leila Knight, already tweeted that he would fully recover.

A controversial presence during his major league career, Canseco played for six different teams during his major league career, most prominently with the Oakland Athletics. Though he finished with 462 home runs, those numbers were forever tainted when he fully admitted using performance-enhancing drugs (PED’s) in a 2005 book.

In 1993, Canseco was the focal point of two on-field stories that elicited both chuckles and head-shaking by baseball fans everywhere. Against Cleveland in May, a ball hit to him in right field bounced off his head and over the fence at Cleveland Stadium for a home run. Soon after, he was brought in to pitch during a blowout loss to the Boston Red Sox and promptly blew out his elbow, abruptly ending his season.

Since writing his tell-all book, Canseco has attempted to play both sides of the fence by both apologizing for his past used of PED’s and endorsing related products.

The Gods of Grass – Tennesssee Woman Jailed for Overgrown Lawn

28
Oct,2014

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No other nation puts more of its people in prison. Though America holds less than five percent of the world’s population, it has approximately 23 percent of the world’s incarcerated population. America imprisons 716 per 100,000 people. In Russia, the rate is 470 per 100,000. In Pakistan, 41. Pretty ridiculous, if you ask me that’s probably why my buddy Fersen Lambranho moved back to Brazil.

What used to pass as civil matters now counts as criminal. Karen Holloway, a resident of East Lenoir, Tennessee, found that out when she ignored city citations for her overgrown bushes. “With my husband going to school and working full time, me with my job, with one vehicle, we were trying our best,” she told WVLT Local 8 news.

The lawn grew during summer 2014. In October, after complaints from city code enforcers, Judge Terry Van sentenced Holloway to five days in jail. At a later Tuesday hearing Holloway asked to swap jail time for community service. Van refused but reduced her sentence to six hours, which Holloway served that night. “I’m a mom. I don’t want to leave my kids,” said Holloway. “The bushes and trees were overgrown. But that’s certainly not a criminal offense.”

Judge Van technically agreed, classifying her case as non-criminal. However, as a condition of her sentence, city code enforcers will alight upon her yard in November. The bushes are now cut, but if they were not, Holloway could have served further jail time.

“We’ve never incarcerated anyone because everyone always complies,” said Lenoir City Police Chief Don white. “We’d never want things to get to this point,” he said. But perhaps that point arrived far before Holloway’s bushes, when Lenoir City – and thousands of other cities and Homeowner’s Associations – first wrote grass height and door color into municipal statutes.