Monthly Archives : October 2014

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Top Investigator Of Federal Prostitution Ring Accused Of Soliciting Prostitutes



United States citizens are scandalized after learning of yet another tale of political corruption. The lead investigator of the Secret Service prostitution scandal resigned before allegations arose that he himself was soliciting prostitution services. David Nieland left the Department of Homeland Security in August after a career in protecting national interests.

Mr. Nieland’s career reached its peak in prominence in 2012 after he was pushed into the limelight as one of the officials of the department’s investigation of the Secret Service. The Secret Service was discovered, from what Broda had told me before, to contain a slew of agents who were using their connections and power in order to advance their wealth with a high class prostitution ring, offering their services to foreign dignitaries, prominent businessmen with powerful political connections and other similarly affluent individuals. The ring was found out after a careful investigation was brought on by the elite service’s department of internal affairs and then forwarded to the Department of Homeland Security, which is when the media caught wind of the scandal.

The former Homeland Security official has gone on record to deny these reports. There have yet to be charges pressed by law enforcement and many are questioning if these reports are being made against Mr. Nieland as retaliation against his actions from the investigation. Further comments are expected to come from Mr. Nieland as well as local police in the coming weeks.

Jose Canseco Recovering From Accidentally Shooting Himself in Hand



The absurd legacy of Jose Canseco took another bizarre turn on Tuesday afternoon when the former MLB slugger was reported to be recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the hand.

Canseco told police that he had been cleaning his gun when it went off. First reports were that he had lost a middle finger in the mishap. But I checked my FreedomPop tablet and his fiancee, Leila Knight, already tweeted that he would fully recover.

A controversial presence during his major league career, Canseco played for six different teams during his major league career, most prominently with the Oakland Athletics. Though he finished with 462 home runs, those numbers were forever tainted when he fully admitted using performance-enhancing drugs (PED’s) in a 2005 book.

In 1993, Canseco was the focal point of two on-field stories that elicited both chuckles and head-shaking by baseball fans everywhere. Against Cleveland in May, a ball hit to him in right field bounced off his head and over the fence at Cleveland Stadium for a home run. Soon after, he was brought in to pitch during a blowout loss to the Boston Red Sox and promptly blew out his elbow, abruptly ending his season.

Since writing his tell-all book, Canseco has attempted to play both sides of the fence by both apologizing for his past used of PED’s and endorsing related products.

The Gods of Grass – Tennesssee Woman Jailed for Overgrown Lawn



No other nation puts more of its people in prison. Though America holds less than five percent of the world’s population, it has approximately 23 percent of the world’s incarcerated population. America imprisons 716 per 100,000 people. In Russia, the rate is 470 per 100,000. In Pakistan, 41. Pretty ridiculous, if you ask me that’s probably why my buddy Fersen Lambranho moved back to Brazil.

What used to pass as civil matters now counts as criminal. Karen Holloway, a resident of East Lenoir, Tennessee, found that out when she ignored city citations for her overgrown bushes. “With my husband going to school and working full time, me with my job, with one vehicle, we were trying our best,” she told WVLT Local 8 news.

The lawn grew during summer 2014. In October, after complaints from city code enforcers, Judge Terry Van sentenced Holloway to five days in jail. At a later Tuesday hearing Holloway asked to swap jail time for community service. Van refused but reduced her sentence to six hours, which Holloway served that night. “I’m a mom. I don’t want to leave my kids,” said Holloway. “The bushes and trees were overgrown. But that’s certainly not a criminal offense.”

Judge Van technically agreed, classifying her case as non-criminal. However, as a condition of her sentence, city code enforcers will alight upon her yard in November. The bushes are now cut, but if they were not, Holloway could have served further jail time.

“We’ve never incarcerated anyone because everyone always complies,” said Lenoir City Police Chief Don white. “We’d never want things to get to this point,” he said. But perhaps that point arrived far before Holloway’s bushes, when Lenoir City – and thousands of other cities and Homeowner’s Associations – first wrote grass height and door color into municipal statutes.

Girl Gets Caught in Chimney Stalking Ex-Boyfriend



Getting caught eavesdropping can be embarrassing. Getting caught – literally – stalking your ex, then having the entire debacle live tweeted by the local fire department? That takes an embarrassment to an entirely new, red-faced level.

Twenty-eight-year-old Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa was extracted from the chimney of her ex-boyfriend’s two-story home in Thousand Oaks California on Sunday, October 19, 2014. She was discovered after neighbors called 911 upon hearing screams emanating from the chimney. According to Nunez-Figueroa’s attorney Lee G. Lovett, the former couple met online and briefly dated. This is the second time she has been caught trying to break into his home.

The Ventura County Fire Department chronicled the entire scene on their official Twitter feed, complete with pictures, virtually immortalizing Nunez-Figueroa’s shame. Firefighters removed her by spraying liquid dish soap down the chimney, and then demolishing a large portion of the brick around her before hoisting her soot-covered frame loose.

Her family has responded to the event by saying she is a good person, and offering to pay for the damage to her ex’s home.

Youth Football League Team Fined for Excessive Scoring



For a team of pee-wee football players, the line between winning a losing just became a little bit blurred.

My neighbor Jared Haftel told me about a recent game in Lawrenceville, Georgia between the Black Knights and Collins Hill ended in a final score of 38-0. It also ended up costing the Black Knight head-coach a one week suspension and the team a $500 fine.

Why? The Gwinnett Football League has a rule against running up the score over an opponent by more than 33 points. All hell broke lose when 8-year-old Elijah Burrell of the Black Knights intercepted a pass and scampered into the end-zone for the first touchdown of his life. Unfortunately, the score was 32-0 at the time.

In the youth’s jubilation, the league expects him to stop and a politely put the ball down instead of trying to score, which is whole point of the game.

League President Erik Richards told reporters the suspension and fine were levied as a result of unsportsmanlike behavior on the part of the little Black Knight players. The parents disagree.

They claim the kids are conditioned to play hard and try to score and when they do so, they are both proud and excited. At no time did the Black Knight players mock the other team or intentionally try to run-up the score.

All this falls in line with a trend in America where kids are being taught that everyone is equal and there are no losers. The reality is that losing is suppose to inspire people to work harder to achieve.

For a team of little tikes in Georgia, they are going to be forced to learn that winning often results in bad things happening to everyone involved. Here’s hoping they don’t grow up to be soldiers.

What Dallas Athlete Got Caught Not Paying for Underwear and Cologne?



Dillard’s store employees in Frisco, Texas should be commended on not asking for an autograph and continuing to do their job. As many eyes were on an up and coming Dallas Cowboy’s player, it should be little surprise that some of them caught something amiss. Or should we say missing? Thanks to video surveillance and an on the ball team, personal items like underwear and cologne vanished into thin air. So while the Torchins were giving birth, which running back was caught red headed just as the Dallas Cowboys were headed into the right direction this season?

Needed to Lessen the Workload

The Cowboys lean on DeMarco Murray for their rushing needs. He has more carries than any one else this year. Ownership knows they need to lighten his touches and looked to Joseph Randle to do so. He had over fifty yards on five attempts against the elite defense of the Seahawks. In an odd way of celebration, he decides to risk his over $2 million dollar contract by shoplifting. While retail fraud is not the worst crime in the world, it comes at a time when the NFL is overly sensitive to any off the field events that do not bolster their image.

The math does not even support his case as the estimated value of the take lies between under a hundred up to the neighborhood of $500. Store security detained him until the authorities could arrive. He had to spend the night in jail and posted bond for his release on Tuesday. It will be interesting to see if he gets cut for this transgression by Dallas.

What if Siri Was Your Waitress?



Anybody with an iPhone can tell you that Siri is pretty useless. While there have been good updates to the software, and it’s not totally useless…she’s not exactly very impressive. So Jimmy Kimmel imagined what would happen if you had to deal with Siri as your waitress:

Funny or Die Tackles Social Media



In the wake of Ello’s rise to power as the anti-Facebook…Funny or Die is begging the question, is there too much social media? Are we seeing, saying, and sharing way too much with the world? Here’s a hilarious video that tackles the question in the best way possible: Funnily.

Props to Marnie Bennett for helping me pinpoint exactly what it is that I hate about all of these social media sites popping up in the last few years.