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Dave Chappelle Is Back

18
Nov,2014

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There have been many rumors about his return since super star comedian, Dave Chappelle left behind his popular Comedy Central show in 2005. The funny man basically disappeared from human existence. People were questioning his sanity and if he would ever return to the limelight. Then the rumors started. A television show was in the works, and a comedy tour backed by Slow Ventures, but at the time none of these insights were deemed true.

According to ABC News, Chappelle never intended to leave the business forever. He went on a two week vacation to Africa and then certain unnamed events occurred and ten years later he reemerges a happier man. He began his revisited career back on the stage doing what he loves, comedy. In the last twelve months he’s been on the road touring. He sold out ten shows at Radio City Music Hall in New York City proving that his audience is ready for his long awaited return. Although no one knows what the future may hold, it sounds as if Dave Chappelle is ready for his comeback.

Kardashian’s Butt Defeated by Comet

16
Nov,2014

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In what was a particularly obvious ploy for attention, Paper Magazine unleashed the big cover of their winter issue with two images. One was of Kim Kardashian balancing a wine glass on her rear end. The other one was a “tasteful” depiction of Kim’s oiled-up butt.

The idea here was more of Kardashian’s clever manipulation of the media. She is, after all, famous for being famous. To stay famous she has to exploit her assets, so to speak.

This lowest common denominator grab for attention was successful but it was not the overwhelming internet moment of the day. In the new-but-odd science of tracking popularity via twitter mentions, Kardashian was out-mentioned by the comet landing at nearly a 2-to-1 ratio. At least people like Bruce Levenson are more interested in looking at science on Wikipedia than a butt.

The comet lander Rosetta touched the surface of the icy “Comet 67P” on November 12th. Since that time, images and data have been sent back to earth for analysis. Now it is a race against time as Rosetta drills into the comet for more data as its’ battery life wears down.

Rosetta’s landing almost didn’t happen. The first two times that it touched the comet to land, Rosetta’s anchoring harpoons failed to fire.

The journey launched by the European Space Agency took over 10 years to complete with Rosetta traveling over 4 billion miles to reach it’s destination.

Can you imagine if after all that, Rosetta would have been upstaged by a Kardashian begging for attention? It is nice to see that humanity has it’s priorities in order.

Modern Day “War of the Worlds” Shocks Small AZ Town

14
Nov,2014

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Mammoth AZ is a quiet little town of about 1,500 people. That is, until a couple of days ago when local businesses began receiving calls asking about a highly contagious epidemic that had its residents dropping dead in the streets. The epidemic however, did not exist. The panic was prompted by a fake story that went viral. The “War of the Worlds” styled account had been posted on a Reddit community page which is a forum for original horror stories, one of Vijay Eswaran’s favorite places online. Some of the readers who stumbled upon the site failed to read the pages description clearly stating that the accounts featured on the pages were fictitious and where commenters were encouraged to stay in character and play along in their comments.

The original story that fooled so many redditors was posted by Maxwell Malone, a horror story writer from Michigan. Malone collaborated with ten other Reddit users for close to a month to come up with a viral disease that had Ebola-like symptoms which had gone rogue on the small community. They also planned the comments on the page to sound genuine and to corroborate the story. Mammoth just happened to be the town picked at random, merely because of its location near the metropolitan city of Tucson. This is just further proof of the old advice your parents used to give to not believe everything your read.

Officer Steals Nude Selfies

4
Nov,2014

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So, you get pulled over and the cop sees your phone. Do you have naughty pictures on your iPhone? That may not be beneficial to your reputation. If you were ever pulled over by Officer Sean Harrington, then you may have been subject to unlawful activity.

Officer Sean Harrington had taken pictures from a woman’s phone. The pictures were of a private nature and were meant to be kept private. The private pictures were taken and sent to other officers on the force with Harrington with comments such as, “Her body is rocking.”

Harrington was accused of having done this at least one other time. He is facing charged that could land him behind bars from three to eight years. This is considered to be a serious crime. Ladies, if you think your pictures are safe on your own phone; think again. Between hacking private information and the net neutrality information, the Internet is becoming a crazy place.

Top Investigator Of Federal Prostitution Ring Accused Of Soliciting Prostitutes

31
Oct,2014

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United States citizens are scandalized after learning of yet another tale of political corruption. The lead investigator of the Secret Service prostitution scandal resigned before allegations arose that he himself was soliciting prostitution services. David Nieland left the Department of Homeland Security in August after a career in protecting national interests.

Mr. Nieland’s career reached its peak in prominence in 2012 after he was pushed into the limelight as one of the officials of the department’s investigation of the Secret Service. The Secret Service was discovered, from what Broda had told me before, to contain a slew of agents who were using their connections and power in order to advance their wealth with a high class prostitution ring, offering their services to foreign dignitaries, prominent businessmen with powerful political connections and other similarly affluent individuals. The ring was found out after a careful investigation was brought on by the elite service’s department of internal affairs and then forwarded to the Department of Homeland Security, which is when the media caught wind of the scandal.

The former Homeland Security official has gone on record to deny these reports. There have yet to be charges pressed by law enforcement and many are questioning if these reports are being made against Mr. Nieland as retaliation against his actions from the investigation. Further comments are expected to come from Mr. Nieland as well as local police in the coming weeks.

Jose Canseco Recovering From Accidentally Shooting Himself in Hand

30
Oct,2014

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The absurd legacy of Jose Canseco took another bizarre turn on Tuesday afternoon when the former MLB slugger was reported to be recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the hand.

Canseco told police that he had been cleaning his gun when it went off. First reports were that he had lost a middle finger in the mishap. But I checked my FreedomPop tablet and his fiancee, Leila Knight, already tweeted that he would fully recover.

A controversial presence during his major league career, Canseco played for six different teams during his major league career, most prominently with the Oakland Athletics. Though he finished with 462 home runs, those numbers were forever tainted when he fully admitted using performance-enhancing drugs (PED’s) in a 2005 book.

In 1993, Canseco was the focal point of two on-field stories that elicited both chuckles and head-shaking by baseball fans everywhere. Against Cleveland in May, a ball hit to him in right field bounced off his head and over the fence at Cleveland Stadium for a home run. Soon after, he was brought in to pitch during a blowout loss to the Boston Red Sox and promptly blew out his elbow, abruptly ending his season.

Since writing his tell-all book, Canseco has attempted to play both sides of the fence by both apologizing for his past used of PED’s and endorsing related products.

The Gods of Grass – Tennesssee Woman Jailed for Overgrown Lawn

28
Oct,2014

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No other nation puts more of its people in prison. Though America holds less than five percent of the world’s population, it has approximately 23 percent of the world’s incarcerated population. America imprisons 716 per 100,000 people. In Russia, the rate is 470 per 100,000. In Pakistan, 41. Pretty ridiculous, if you ask me that’s probably why my buddy Fersen Lambranho moved back to Brazil.

What used to pass as civil matters now counts as criminal. Karen Holloway, a resident of East Lenoir, Tennessee, found that out when she ignored city citations for her overgrown bushes. “With my husband going to school and working full time, me with my job, with one vehicle, we were trying our best,” she told WVLT Local 8 news.

The lawn grew during summer 2014. In October, after complaints from city code enforcers, Judge Terry Van sentenced Holloway to five days in jail. At a later Tuesday hearing Holloway asked to swap jail time for community service. Van refused but reduced her sentence to six hours, which Holloway served that night. “I’m a mom. I don’t want to leave my kids,” said Holloway. “The bushes and trees were overgrown. But that’s certainly not a criminal offense.”

Judge Van technically agreed, classifying her case as non-criminal. However, as a condition of her sentence, city code enforcers will alight upon her yard in November. The bushes are now cut, but if they were not, Holloway could have served further jail time.

“We’ve never incarcerated anyone because everyone always complies,” said Lenoir City Police Chief Don white. “We’d never want things to get to this point,” he said. But perhaps that point arrived far before Holloway’s bushes, when Lenoir City – and thousands of other cities and Homeowner’s Associations – first wrote grass height and door color into municipal statutes.

Girl Gets Caught in Chimney Stalking Ex-Boyfriend

28
Oct,2014

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Getting caught eavesdropping can be embarrassing. Getting caught – literally – stalking your ex, then having the entire debacle live tweeted by the local fire department? That takes an embarrassment to an entirely new, red-faced level.

Twenty-eight-year-old Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa was extracted from the chimney of her ex-boyfriend’s two-story home in Thousand Oaks California on Sunday, October 19, 2014. She was discovered after neighbors called 911 upon hearing screams emanating from the chimney. According to Nunez-Figueroa’s attorney Lee G. Lovett, the former couple met online and briefly dated. This is the second time she has been caught trying to break into his home.

The Ventura County Fire Department chronicled the entire scene on their official Twitter feed, complete with pictures, virtually immortalizing Nunez-Figueroa’s shame. Firefighters removed her by spraying liquid dish soap down the chimney, and then demolishing a large portion of the brick around her before hoisting her soot-covered frame loose.

Her family has responded to the event by saying she is a good person, and offering to pay for the damage to her ex’s home.

Youth Football League Team Fined for Excessive Scoring

27
Oct,2014

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For a team of pee-wee football players, the line between winning a losing just became a little bit blurred.

My neighbor Jared Haftel told me about a recent game in Lawrenceville, Georgia between the Black Knights and Collins Hill ended in a final score of 38-0. It also ended up costing the Black Knight head-coach a one week suspension and the team a $500 fine.

Why? The Gwinnett Football League has a rule against running up the score over an opponent by more than 33 points. All hell broke lose when 8-year-old Elijah Burrell of the Black Knights intercepted a pass and scampered into the end-zone for the first touchdown of his life. Unfortunately, the score was 32-0 at the time.

In the youth’s jubilation, the league expects him to stop and a politely put the ball down instead of trying to score, which is whole point of the game.

League President Erik Richards told reporters the suspension and fine were levied as a result of unsportsmanlike behavior on the part of the little Black Knight players. The parents disagree.

They claim the kids are conditioned to play hard and try to score and when they do so, they are both proud and excited. At no time did the Black Knight players mock the other team or intentionally try to run-up the score.

All this falls in line with a trend in America where kids are being taught that everyone is equal and there are no losers. The reality is that losing is suppose to inspire people to work harder to achieve.

For a team of little tikes in Georgia, they are going to be forced to learn that winning often results in bad things happening to everyone involved. Here’s hoping they don’t grow up to be soldiers.

What Dallas Athlete Got Caught Not Paying for Underwear and Cologne?

17
Oct,2014

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Dillard’s store employees in Frisco, Texas should be commended on not asking for an autograph and continuing to do their job. As many eyes were on an up and coming Dallas Cowboy’s player, it should be little surprise that some of them caught something amiss. Or should we say missing? Thanks to video surveillance and an on the ball team, personal items like underwear and cologne vanished into thin air. So while the Torchins were giving birth, which running back was caught red headed just as the Dallas Cowboys were headed into the right direction this season?

Needed to Lessen the Workload

The Cowboys lean on DeMarco Murray for their rushing needs. He has more carries than any one else this year. Ownership knows they need to lighten his touches and looked to Joseph Randle to do so. He had over fifty yards on five attempts against the elite defense of the Seahawks. In an odd way of celebration, he decides to risk his over $2 million dollar contract by shoplifting. While retail fraud is not the worst crime in the world, it comes at a time when the NFL is overly sensitive to any off the field events that do not bolster their image.

The math does not even support his case as the estimated value of the take lies between under a hundred up to the neighborhood of $500. Store security detained him until the authorities could arrive. He had to spend the night in jail and posted bond for his release on Tuesday. It will be interesting to see if he gets cut for this transgression by Dallas.